Friday, December 29, 2006

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And days of long ago !

Have you ever wondered what this means exactly?
Why would old acquaintaces be forgotten?

I am sure it is a little too early to be wishing you a Happy New Year, but I am just ready for 2006 to be done, and 2007 to just start already. Come on let's get that ball started on its way down.

D and I sat down and wrote a few of our resolutions & plans for 2007

1. Get in shape(I am sure that is on everyone's list)
2. Be very diligent and motivated with my new embroidery business(more info to follow)
3. Clean up my potty mouth(really only a problem when I am angry or frustrated)
4. Finish our family scrapbook, so I can start on lifebook for the babe.
5. Make sure we go on a really great vacation(the last one by ourselves for a long time)
6. Keep to a stricter budget
7. Stop shoppy shoppy for baby clothes, and only buy for nursery right now.
8. Get nursery painted, look for a dresser, and armoire.
9. Start mandarin lessons
10. D and I are going to take dance lessons together
11. Watch less TV!!(WOW, this one is going to be the hardest)
12. Work on a calmer energy
13. No more procrastinating....check things off the task list.
14. Be better about saying NO to things, and be better about setting my boundaries.
15. Stop the obsessing about the wait...I can't do anything about it, and obsessing is not getting me any closer to China.(easier said than done)

So that is what I have planned for 2007. Most of these are doable, needed, and the follow through on these should be relatively painless, except for.....#12, and #15, okay #11 is not going to be easy, or painless.

Let me know what your plans are for the New Year, you might have some on your list that I need to add to mine:)

Here's a cling of my champagne glass, and wishing everyone a bright and happy 2007!

************Thank you to everyone who left such sweet messages about Matty. The crying has slowed up, but I am missing her more than I could have ever imagined. For those that contacted me, thank you again, your words were so appreciated, and needed.************

Monday, December 18, 2006

In Memory

Well sorry it has been so long since I have posted. We have been going through one of the hardest things our family has gone through in a long time. It is so ironic that my last post was of our beloved dog Matty.
Last Monday I noticed that she was not getting around well, and thought her back was acting up, so as usual I started her on her meds, which usually gets her back in treat mode in a day or two. Well on Wednesday I could tell she still was not feeling that great, so I told D that I would run her to the vet on Thursday morning. When I went to pick her up to take her out to the car she literally cried out in pain...what the hell was going on is all I could think. The vet checked her over, and felt like her back was fine, but discovered that she was not putting weight on her front right paw. So they said they needed to keep her, and do some x-rays. When they called that afternoon to let me know to come get her...the vet says to me that we will have to wait until the radiologist reads the films, but that it appeared that Matty had bone cancer. Well right in the middle of the holiday shopping madness of the mall I began to silently sob. My sweet little companion was really sick.
I went to get her, and she was in bad shape. They gave us very strong oral painkillers, and sent us home telling us that we would hear about her x-rays on Mon or Tues. I had enough drugs to last the weekend they said. Well Thursday night we got not a wink of sleep, the drugs were not strong enough for her. She was in pain. So we took her back first thing on Friday, and they put her on a morph patch, and said to continue with the oral pain meds as well. But they said the patch would take 6-8 hours to really start to work.
In the mean time D was scheduled to go out of town for work on Saturday, so he called my MIL to come up from Houston to be with me and help with Matty. So she was being picked up at the airport, I had workers installing new countertops in our kitchen, and D was at the other airport picking up his bosses dog that we were scheduled to dog sit for 18 days. I was just having a meltdown.
Me and my MIL sat with Matty until about 8:00 Friday evening...she was not getting any better. The pain was really bad, and the drugs weren't working, she stopped letting me give her water from a dropper around that time. So I finally called the emergency animal hospital, talked to a very nice vet, she told us to bring her in and they would give her a morphine shot and something like valium to help her get settled, and get ahead of the pain. So that is what we did, by the time we got her back in the car to come home, she was out, but her breathing was still very labored. We got home around 12:30 a.m. we got in bed around 1:00, checked on her at 2:30, and when I awoke at 4:00 to check on her our beloved Matty had passed away. She was quietly laying on her favorite bed, in her favorite room looking just as she always looked when she slept peacefully. I just began to sob, while D just sat next to her with tears streaming down his face.
I knew that we all would be heartbroken, and very sad when this time came. But no one could have ever prepared me for the pain that my heart feels. I am not sure right now that I have ever been this sad, nor my heart literally hurt as much as it does. I was not prepared for this. To say our house will never be the same is an absolute understatement. I have never had to be in our house alone...Matty has always been here with me, she goes everywhere in the car with us, she tells me when it is 5:00 p.m. and time to start dinner for us, and for her. I will never hear her snore again, I will never hear her yodel again...and I never got it on tape. I will never get to take her on a walk again, she won't be outside chasing the squirrels while I clean the pool, she won't be there to go get the mail with me, and she will never get to meet this baby that is coming home to us. I never really got to say goodbye to her, and I feel like I failed her by not making sure that she was not in pain anymore. So right now I am really struggling with my sorrow and grief, but I am also struggling with my guilt.
I am so happy, and thankful that my MIL is here, she has been a tremendous support system, she has sat with me and cried, she has told me all of her favorite memories of Matty, and promises me that I did everything I could do-maybe not the vet, but D and I did everything we could do for her, and she knew how much we loved her. I pick up her ashes tomorrow, and so I know it is going to be a very difficult day for me. D doesn't get home until Wednesday, I look forward to him being at home and having him to work through our grief together.
We have cancelled Christmas at our house. Funny thing is I have not been much in the Christmas spirit this year, and have failed to erect any decorations. I thought it was because I was feeling a bit depressed about the wait, but I think it was because somehow I knew we weren't going to be celebrating this year.
I am not sure how long it will be before I feel like updating, or really have anything to update about. I know that I am going to try to take these last few weeks of the year to get myself mentally ready for the New Year. I wish you all a happy holiday, whatever holiday you might be celebrating. Mostly I wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous 07'

I do want to say Thank you to the friends that I have heard from these last couple of days. Your very sweet thoughts, and just your understanding of what a very sad time this is for our family is so nice. So thanks for taking the time to let me know you are thinking of us.

By the way, it is our 3-month anniversary of our LID. 3 down, 21 to go. Now that is progress.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It's a dogs life

Look it's Matty. This is our almost 12 year old cocker spaniel. She was given to me when she was just 8 weeks old. My MIL gave her to me as a gift, and it may be one of the best gifts I have ever received. She is so incredibly smart(no inbreeding here...nosirreeeee bob) She has a vocabulary of about 50 words or so, she doesn't puddle like others in her breed, and she loves kids-actually the smaller they are, the more she likes them. She will start to whimper if she sees kids in the car next to us. She is a treat "whore" she will do anything for a treat which her favorites are baby carrot's, these doggy mints I get at Wal-mart, the end of D's banana in the morning. But she is not really picky about what she might beg from you, she will eat anything except tomatoes*fyi, we don't give her people food all that often, she acts like we do, but just the carrots* She will purposely ask to go out, pretend that she went potty, and then come in and ask for a treat (so she has got us trained) She now has to sleep in our master bathroom because she snores sooooooo loud. She insist that D say hello and give her a carrot before he even looks my way when he gets home from the office. She will start yodeling if he doesn't follow the order. I will have to get that on video sometime...Absolutely hilarious.
She had back surgery for a ruptured disc last Thanksgiving (those damn squirrels taunting her and making her run and jump up and down our retaining walls) and then we proceeded with physical therapy after that. I was driving 4o miles round trip to see her everyday, and then again to take her to physical therapy(not sure who else I would do this for???) So now she can't get up on any furniture(that is why she doesn't sleep with us anymore) and we also have to carry her up and down the stairs. So now we have gates everywhere to make sure she isn't trying to do it herself anymore.
Matty has a list of nicknames: Matty P, Cocker P, Master Pony, Missy Moo, Pog(pig +dog=Pog) Fatty Matty, the list goes on, but I will spare you. She is the center of attention at our house. When the kids call home they never foget to ask about Matty. We take her with us almost everywhere we go. In the summer I still take her with me, but I have combo locks on my car, so I can leave my car running, lock her in, and still keep her cool. It does get so hot that she will finally make it clear that she has no interest in the ride.
We are so lucky to have some old neighbors that love Matty, and if we go out of town they always watch her for us. She loves going over there almost as much as they love having her. They love her so much that she has been in their Christmas card picture with their funny when I opened it up, and realized that our dog was in their picture.
She can tell time, she absolutely knows when it is 5:00 p.m. that is dinner time as far as she is concerned, and if you are not right there to do it, she will come looking for you, and then the yodeling starts and doesn't stop until you go and feed her. She doesn't like toys, she really only likes big dogs, we are lucky because she has never really torn anything up, and she most definatly acts like a cat living in a dogs body. But with all her little quirks...she is our dog, she is the best dog we have each ever had, and she is such an important member of our family.