Glamour at 30,000 feet

I was a flight attendant for 16 years for a major commercial carrier. I flew 10 of those 16 out of NYC. It was an amazing experience that I actually feel very blessed to have had. For a small Midwestern girl who never walked on a plane until she was 19....well I must say that I have seen the world, I have met people that I never thought in a million years I would meet. I have had the best of times, and the worst of times abroad an airplane. I met my husband, and some of the best friends that I have ever had on board an airplane. My children walk onto an airplane like they get into a car. I can't believe I got this lucky to have this job. But I must admit that there have been moments that I thought what in the hell am I doing here? The day the man spoke into the airvent as though he were ordering at Sonic was one of those days:)
But I find it my job now to try and make all of you the best passengers you can be. Most important rule of thumb. Give the f/a's your magazines and you will have a friend for life!

But this list is to just share with you in a nutshell what our job is really like....it is not so glamorous. As a passenger you should be able to still relate. If you have done any of these.....all I can say is never do them again.....you are who we talk about in the galley!

YOU MIGHT BE A FLT ATTENDANT IF...

1. You never unpack

2. You look to the ceiling when your doorbell goes off

3. You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster

4. You don't ever write a full city name anymore(bugs your non airline friends) DTW MCO FCO BOM

5. You get excited over certain types of ice

6. You curse every "Bose headset wearing moron"--yes the electronic device announcement means you

7. You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes

8. No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there

9. You HATE boarding

10. You LOVE deplaning

11. Turbulence is not caused by clouds but caused by the initial movement of all beverage carts

12. You can't believe you've never been in a hotel van accident

13. You loathe your CEO

14. Businessmen on cell phones rank up there with the CEO

15. You remember the passengers with great manners(that's sad) .....we don't get many! Please and Thank you go a very long way!

16. You LOVE the Nicoderm commercial(if you have not seen it go to www,youtube.com and search it)

17. You can't remember when UM's ( UNACCOMPANIED MINORS) actually became bigger than you , ou also can't believe how young the children are that parents put on the plane by themselves.

18. You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English

19. You despise foreigners because they can't communicate effectively

20. You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency

21. You HATE on board duty free

22. You can't stand the frequent flyer who says"I fly more than you..." NO YOU DON"T!

23. You hate seeing passengers at your layover hotel

24. #$K drink cup & tray stackers ...I promise we can do it just fine without you stacking them...they always fall, and spill everywhere.

25. You hate when drinkers start calling you by name(don't buddy up to me loser) We will still cut you off, and we will still say that will be $5

26. You long for the days when it was easy to rig the hotel TV for free movies

27. You want to smack the nail clipping ,finger nail polishing, perfume spraying, nose picking, snoring morons (oh I mean passengers)

28. You do not want passengers talking to you while nonreving(when we fly on our passes) It is why we put our ipods on people!!

29. You travel in uniform for the liquids creams and gel exemption

30. If passengers can't find the flush button on the toilet---they should stay in there till they do!!!!!!!!

31. No I don't have a pen (you can borrow)

32. You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline

33. You never imagined you could pass gas all the way across the Atlantic(jet belly my friends)

34. You get tired of telling people what you have to drink and showing them how to use the traytable!

35. You LOVE to sleep more than you love Rome!

36. You hate early morning departures---Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 am ?

37. You wish your manager actually WAS a f/a at one point in there life

38. You can't believe your senior f/a is in their 80's-(doesn't matter what airline - they all have them) Retire already!

39. You try not to go the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there

40. You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off there headsets

41. You wish bassinets were never invented

42. You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley

43. Your friends truly don't get the commuting part---"so you have to fly when and your trip starts where?? "

44. YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU

45. There is one person at the airline you can't stand to fly with(sorry I have more than 1)

46. You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are ie....why is fine that she can't drive to JFK because of the snowstorm, but she can't figure out why I can't fly there??

47. Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner

48. You know every departure time and arrival of every airline that flies to your home city...we commute people, we know these things.

49. We really mean it when we say we want to depart or land as much as you do!!

50. You want to announce over the p.a system that we really don't give a rats ass if you bring your seat forward for landing, but it is our job to do so, so we do it:)

Please also remember that our day did not start when yours did, it does not end when yours does. Don't be offended if we don't act thrilled out of our minds that you are going to Disney or Hawaii for the first time.....it is just another day on the airplane going to some random city as far as we are concerned. Our smiles wore off 10 hours ago. Our average day is 12-13 hours on the airplane, and most crew commute now, so most of us have only a 16 hour day if we are lucky!We really do want to be nice to you, but don't forget that we are in the transportation industry, the objective is to get from point A to Point B safely, and we really do try to do it with a smile on our face.

****as an added note our student(Shiyu-aka Amy) just called from Chongqing. She played a very short song for us on the piano, and told us her visa interview is this week, and that she promises to do well on it. She is scheduled to arrive Aug 18th. Her mom also got on the phone to say "Hello, how you, and we are fine" So cute!! We can't wait for her to get her.***